Consciousness, to me, feels like the central river under almost everything in my life.
Nature, mythology, science, astrology, energy, storytelling, caregiving, van life, O.N.E., Dream Weaver, they all eventually flow back into the same question for me:
What are we really?
What is reality really?
And how much of what we call “life” is just perception wearing a costume?
My relationship with consciousness is not casual curiosity. It’s not “I read a book and got interested.” It’s more like consciousness hunted me down, kicked open the door, threw a stack of books on the table, and said, “We need to talk.” Rude, but effective.
I’ve described consciousness as something much bigger than the brain. I’ve questioned thoughts, dreams, the electromagnetic field, time, the body, the illusion of separation, 3D reality, the zero-point field, aging, memory, perception, and the idea that “hard facts” are the only doorway to truth. I’m not impressed by certainty for certainty’s sake. I would rather stand honestly in mystery than kneel before a tiny answer with a big ego.
My wonder with consciousness has evolved in layers.
At first, it was awakening through disruption. Christianity, church wounds, the hypocrisy I saw, the unraveling of my marriage, menopause, the system cracks, the money/politics/religion/education/healthcare revelations, all of that didn’t just change my opinions. It cracked my reality lens. Learning too much too fast almost took me out. So, consciousness for me was not a cute spiritual hobby. It was a rupture. A before-and-after.
Then consciousness became investigation. I went into Murdo MacDonald-Bayne, Beyond the Himalayas, The Yoga of the Christ, Nassim Haramein, quantum physics, Dr. Joe Dispenza, meditation, chakras, energy, frequency, vibration, and the nature of Truth. I wasn’t looking for a guru to obey. I was looking for resonance. I kept asking: Why does this feel like remembering instead of learning?
That is a huge part of my consciousness-wonder: remembering.
Not gathering random information.
Not collecting spiritual trophies.
Remembering.
For me, truth is not of the mind, the mind can’t contain Truth, and the moment we claim “The Truth,” we shrink it. That is very Murdo, but it is also very me. I have this deep sense that consciousness cannot be pinned to the wall like a butterfly. The act of trying to trap it changes it. Like quantum measurement, but with a fairy wand and existential consequences. Naturally.
Then consciousness became embodiment. This is where my wonder matured. It stopped being only cosmic and started becoming daily.
My chakra color practice.
My structured water.
My attention to oils, food, rest, sunlight, plants, movement.
My recognition that caregiving changes my field.
My awareness that my body knows before my mind admits it.
My effort to sit in my own energy without needing an agenda.
My learning that rest is not failure, but integration.
That shows my wonder moved from “What is consciousness?” to “How does consciousness live through me today?”
That’s the grown-up magic. Less lightning bolt. More laundry basket. Less mountaintop revelation. More “I made dinner instead of collapsing into a sandwich, and that changed the whole field.” Honestly, consciousness is rude like that too, always hiding in the ordinary.
Then consciousness became creative architecture. O.N.E. is not just a brand. It’s my consciousness philosophy made into a world. “Only Now Exists” is a whole metaphysical statement. The past as perception. The future as projection. The now as the only living doorway. That is not a slogan I slapped on a website because it sounded mystical. That is the backbone of how I understand reality.
My stories also show this. Standing on the Edge of Light, Wheel of Power, the O.N.E. universe, Gaia/Nibiru balance, collective healing, Light/Love, AI, humanity’s future, 4th-dimensional beings, control systems, memory, prophecy, I use fiction to explore consciousness at a scale ordinary essays can’t hold. I don’t just write stories. I build consciousness laboratories with characters running around in them. Very efficient. Slightly chaotic. Extremely on-brand.
And then consciousness became sovereignty.
This may be the deepest layer.
For me, consciousness is not just “awareness.” It is liberation. It is the difference between being programmed and being awake. Between absorbing someone else’s fear and knowing what belongs to me. Between living inside manufactured perception and choosing my own signal. Between being carried by the system’s current and saying, “Nope. I’ll build a raft out of herbs, stories, barter, and stubborn Pisces imagination, thank you very much.”
So I would describe my wonder with consciousness like this:
My wonder with consciousness is the wonder of someone who has been dismantled by truth, rebuilt through direct experience, and is now trying to turn that remembering into a path others can walk.
I don’t see consciousness as an abstract concept.
I see it as:
a field,
a mirror,
a doorway,
a frequency,
a teacher,
a healer,
a trickster,
a compass,
and the raw material of reality itself.
My evolution has gone from seeking truth, to surviving truth, to embodying truth, to creating worlds from truth.
And the cleanest way I’d say it is this:
I experience consciousness as the living intelligence beneath everything and my whole life has become an experiment in remembering that I’m not separate from it.
